Motivation, memories and Groucho Marx
Occasionally it’s great to look back and see how far you’ve come. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing this afternoon. These past few weeks I’ve managed to relaunch my website and we eventually succeeded in exchanging contracts so that we can move house next week. So, you may wonder why I’m sitting writing this piece instead of packing up boxes. There’s only so much left to do and we need to stay at the “old house” for a couple more days, as well as eat and occupy our time.
I’m not yet ready to dig up the lemon-yellow hellebores (the only plants we’re taking with us) that we planted seven years ago on 23rd April. My dad had seen this variety at Chelsea and a glorious specimen lounged in the front garden for years. When mum and dad moved to an apartment in 2004, mum got my brother to dig it up. That same plant survived almost a year in a sturdy plastic carrier bag before bringing joy to our previous garden. Split into three, the original plant still thrives today and that’s why these 35-year-old gems are moving with us.
So, I’ve turned my attention to some of the incomplete stories I’ve begun but not completed. It’s been a difficult few weeks and my unswerving focus on healthy eating which began in January 2023 has been tested. Lots going on that’s unsuitable for airing here, other than acknowledgement that it’s been a tough 12 months. That said, I’m doing the best I can (and some) hence a small and personal celebration of how far I’ve come.
I’ve included my original, “Journal of Ambition” piece below. It’s where it all began in December 2022. At that time, I thought I might track my progress by writing a few paragraphs each week, although I changed my mind. On reflection perhaps I should have continued but no use crying over spilt milk as my gran used to say. I’ve listed relevant stories I’ve written instead at the end of this piece.
Journal of Ambition
Tuesday 27th December 2022 (updated Saturday 20th April 2024)
Time away from work and the Christmas festivities always seem to prompt some unrealistic aspirations. How often have you heard friends or family members exclaim that, “next year is my year” or “no more alcohol for me”? Gym memberships peak as new year resolutions become a reality, although I’m more of an ambition kind of girl.
From time to time, I’ve set unrealistic targets for myself, although I began to consider my position as Autumn took shape. January isn’t my favourite month for beginning something new. I love that it’s the month of hellebores and snowdrops, although venturing outside on a dark and frosty morning in my gym kit simply doesn’t do it for me.
I’m already wondering what’s behind the gym kit story. Who am I kidding? Let’s face it I eat, and drink far more than I ought and get very little exercise these days. I’m massively overweight and that didn’t happen overnight, did it? For those of you who don’t know me already, I need two new knees and it’s fair to say, I don’t walk, I wobble. That said, I have a strong self-image and I don’t “fat-shame” myself.
Most days, I try to overcome the pain in my knees with work or other activities that demand my full attention. I’m so much better at helping other people than worrying about myself. Some would say I don’t worry about myself at all. That’s not entirely true, although it’s fair to say that right now I find myself with a challenge and one I am ill-equipped to overcome. I’m reminded of the famous comedian, Groucho Marx, “I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member”.
In October, I signed up for an online package offering a simple exercise routine and meal plans. It seemed like a good idea at the time, although I didn’t really have time to read the instructions, commit to the foods and take full advantage of the support available. I leafed through the meal plans most weeks, ordered the essential ingredients, although chair yoga didn’t bring me joy.
I often crave a full stop at the end of my chapter (maybe it’s an entire book) of over-indulgence and under-activity. There have been other attempts. Previous modest successes have relied heavily on a combination of personal training, swimming or walking in the pool and inflexible eating regimes, although “my best endeavours” have never really seen me achieve my goal of sustainable behaviour.
I’ve set myself a few boundaries and, like all great transformation programmes, I’ve drafted some principles. I aspire to a pain-free and active future and for now, this is my journal of expectation and reflection. It’s my self-help guide to achieving greater balance and two new knees! It’s my hope that what I write here will spur me on and help others in future.
My Success Principles:
1. Reflect on successes only and don’t beat yourself up over things you can’t change
2. Draw a line under what’s happened, step over it and look (walk) forward
3. Be honest with yourself about what you’ve eaten
4. Accept that this won’t be easy or quick (it’s a 24-month project)
5. Resist the temptation to “kiss and tell” – nobody needs to know
6. Accept that others will attempt to ambush your best endeavours
7. Remember to walk before you run
Thursday 29th December 2022
Before I embark on my 2023 adventure, I’ve been thinking about my eating triumphs and disappointments. It’s quite difficult to explain the highs and lows of dieting and over-indulgence, although over the 50+ years of my adult life, there have been many. On balance, I prefer to focus on the triumphs – the times when I’ve succeeded.
I’ve concluded that I don’t do moderation well. I’m happy to hide away, follow a rigid routine and say, “no” to even the smallest glass of wine. But load up my diary with future invitations or social interactions involving food and I crumble. For me, it’s either one or the other, and it seems that I’m unable to do both. Or, at least, that’s what my story so far seems to say.
It seems that I’m easily led, especially when it comes to persistent prodding. I worry about hurting others’ feelings or appearing ungrateful. Then I find myself eating a mince pie to appease its owner. I need to be more consistent. I need to get better at inner strength.
I was in my late 30s and single when I bought my first gym and leisure club membership. It was a great success and although the gym itself was compact, the pool was spacious and inviting. I became so organised that I’d drive to the club from the station. Exercise and a healthy supper became an extension of my working day.
I managed to look forward to exercise and maintain a healthy routine beyond the Jane Fonda style workouts of my 20s. Oh, happy memories of those brightly coloured leotards, footless tights and legwarmers of 1982. I don’t remember exactly what derailed my love of Jane Fonda or when I gave up those studio sessions, but changing jobs came into it.
My love of eating and entertaining eventually got the better of me until 2003, when I embarked on a strict programme. Expensive yet effective, I found the low carbohydrate food lists easy to work with and I’ve always found no alcohol easier than alcohol in moderation. I bought new clothes, had my hair cut short and set up my HR consultancy business.
In the ten years up to my 60th birthday, consultancy work varied as much as my fitness. Some work locations made it much easier to maintain a healthy eating regime. A personal trainer, a gym and regular Pilates sessions were essential to my success. I signed up for a half marathon moon walk and added regular walking to my fitness regime. The following year I conquered my second half marathon moon walk. Walking around London in my decorated bra at midnight with thousands of new friends brought such joy.
Saturday 31st January 2023
Exercise became more difficult. My knees hurt so I did less and doing less meant my knees hurt more. Then, we were all asked to stay at home in March 2020. I did manage some “at home” exercise sessions, although I missed the gym. I found my love of food and home cooking once again. This downward spiral got the better of me. I worked a bit and wrote a lot, until (in February 2022) I was part of an HR transformation. Saying yes to that assignment was the best decision for my mental health but not for my physical health. But that’s entirely down to me.
It’s time to grab the cheeseboard and set off for a new year celebration. I’m the nominated driver which means just one glass of fizz for me this evening. Writing these few pages has already reminded me that I am fallible. I may not get it right every single day, but for the sake of my health I need a routine. Wish me luck!
Here are the stories I’ve written:
A Diva's Ambitions
A celebration of self-love
Toast or triumph?
Absolutely Aldeburgh
Asparagus, Avocado and Cavolo Nero
Ditch sugar, discover Scrabble
Declutter, detox and destress – live in the moment
And today I'm wearing ...
Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve …
All the fun of the farm and more …
In search of Willy Wonka’s fantastic world
Happy New Year 2024
If I’m honest, I want to do both
Mastering the tightrope
