Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve …
When did you last wonder how things could’ve been different? And what did you do about it? All too often we live with the feeling of being out of control of a particular situation or occurrence and feel that a decision has been done to us. Speak for yourself, did I hear you say?
Let me explain a little more. All too often, I work with individual clients who, after an important interview or event, beat themselves up feeling they could’ve or should’ve done better. Perhaps they wished they’d put their point across less forcedly or more influentially. Instead, they got caught up in the moment, their words came out back to front and gibberish took over. Come on be true to yourself, we’ve all done it haven’t we? Me, included. That’s why practice or briefings are so important.
Sometimes it’s all too easy to reread and then redraft an email although for some reason, interviews or critical meetings seem to fly by like un-checked text messages. Know what I mean? When did you last leave a meeting and then remember a better way of getting your point across to your audience? And when did you leave an interview feeling flat or inadequate? It’s more common than you may think. No matter how accomplished or capable we are, even the best of us get it wrong sometimes.
I’ve written before that we can have experiences like waves crashing on the shore although it’s the ones we learn from that matter most. I recognise that’s easier said than done although sometimes it’s important to draw a line under that self-analysis. In other words, know when to stop or quit while you’re ahead. No, I’m not going to challenge experiential learning theory here, although I’m advocating simplicity as well as brevity. Consider key themes while boiling an egg (or the vegan alternative) but not every day of the week. Time to practise this 3-minute approach?
The intention to review an experience is well-meant yet I’m unconvinced that infinite review is helpful. Rather it’s a case of having an experience, reviewing it, considering what you could have done better and then considering how to do that next time! A “one off” experience not “death by a thousand cuts”. Beginning to get the picture? I’m advocating for moderation and balance. I’m encouraging you to be kind to yourself whatever the circumstances, whatever the consequences.
While I recognise that when something doesn’t go your way it’s all too easy to blame yourself – your inadequacies. Maybe it’s time to consider whether you’ve had a lucky escape. Being true to ourselves often becomes secondary to any negativity from others. Why did we do so badly, what could we have done differently – put simply what went wrong?
I’m suggesting that it’s time to think that the job probably wasn’t right for you rather than beating yourself up. Maybe the people who interviewed you weren’t your “type” of people or if that’s the answer they were seeking, it doesn’t align with your values, so why would you want to work with them on that challenge? Alternatively, if you bumbled through a meeting, maybe your colleagues could have supported you more?
Here are my top tips for learning to move on and holding your head high after any mortifying experiences or interviews … or any wobbles to your resolve unhealthy eating springs to mind:
Make a list of your strengths and values – yes really
Remember what you’ve achieved in the past few days (then weeks)
Focus on positive outcomes – rebuild that confidence
Ask a friend to remind you how great a friend you are
And if it’s food-related, remember to eat what you love yet fits with your regime
Try not to dwell on any inadequacies or minor blips
Remember that tomorrow is another day – it will bring fresh opportunities to shine
